Things Happen for a Reason!! - Why is adolescent behavior so weird?

 

 

    When it comes to adolescents, what is it that puts you off? Their rough voices? Their brash language? The irritating attitude? Or the weird fashion sense? Well, what if all this is part of a larger plan? Reminds me of a story- ‘Everything happens for a reason!’

A king had great faith in his lieutenant. But he would get irritated with him because every time some mishap occurred, the lieutenant kept saying, ‘Everything happens for a reason!’ Once, the king cut his finger accidentally and the lieutenant parroted his oft repeated sentiment. Now the king, who was in great pain, was really angry. In fact, he got so angry that he put him in prison. The next day, the king went for a hunt alone. Unfortunately, he was caught by some tribals. When they took him for sacrifice, they found that his finger was cut and they couldn’t offer an imperfect human to their god. After discussing amongst themselves, the tribals reluctantly released him. Happily, the king returned home. He freed the lieutenant from the prison and admitted his mistake. The cut finger had indeed saved the king’s life. Not only that, since the lieutenant was in prison, he too was saved.

    The lieutenant’s words apply to the adolescents’ behaviour too! All the dangerous characteristics typically associated with adolescents have an evolutionary function. We always wish that they should be more organised, less aggressive, less curious, and more obedient. We don’t want them to take risks, or to follow their peers blindly. But the adolescents do exactly that. To be fair, they can’t really help it! They find themselves powerless in the face of their changing brain, which is undergoing a major update. There are extensive neurobiological changes such as pruning, myelination, and fine tuning of circuits. The limbic system is in an overdrive, the hormones are raging, and the sensible frontal and prefrontal cortex are still lagging behind; leading to imbalance between affect and cognition. Their thinking is still concrete, more so during stress and when faced with peer pressure. Their reward centre in Nucleus Accumbens is screaming for attention. As a result, they tend to take decisions which are based on emotions rather than rational thoughts. They quickly fall prey to activities that flood the reward centre with Dopamine. These activities range from simple acts like doing well in exams or a pat on the back from the father; to dangerous acts like crime, speed driving, violence, substance abuse and sexual misadventures.

     So, the unwanted, unacceptable adolescent behaviour can be explained by this changing brain. But what is the evolutionary importance? The aim of growing up is to make responsible and socially independent individuals. The major developmental task of adolescence is ‘identity formation’. For this, they need to explore the opportunities, which cannot happen unless they take some risks. Their curiosity and experimentation lead them to discoveries and inventions. By not listening to their parents, they walk the path of independence and self-sufficiency. In fact, it is said that the reason the humankind is living in the modern comforts and not foraging for food in the jungles is because the children of every generation ignored their parents’ advice. Distancing from parents also provides them with a space to develop as an individual. Lastly, conforming with the peers is an essential step in socialization.

    Researchers have cautioned against helicopter parenting and snow-plough parenting, where parents unduly protect their children against all challenges. This is likely to interfere with the natural process, and might result in our children having poor resilience to face the adversities. Our children might be unable to take correct decisions, may find it difficult to resist temptations like substance abuse, and will be victims of mental health issues. Adolescents need to be handled like a kite- give them enough freedom to explore the world while keeping them safe and grounded by the thread. Some of the helpful steps that we can take as their stakeholders are- anticipatory guidance; supervised, cautious and gradual risk taking; channelising their tremendous energy and creativity; plenty of sports and adventure activities, and of course, tons of patience and empathy!