When it comes to
adolescents, what is it that puts you off? Their rough voices? Their brash
language? The irritating attitude? Or the weird fashion sense? Well, what if
all this is part of a larger plan? Reminds me of a story- ‘Everything happens
for a reason!’
A king had great faith in his lieutenant. But
he would get irritated with him because every time some mishap occurred, the
lieutenant kept saying, ‘Everything happens for a reason!’ Once, the king cut
his finger accidentally and the lieutenant parroted his oft repeated sentiment.
Now the king, who was in great pain, was really angry. In fact, he got so angry
that he put him in prison. The next day, the king went for a hunt alone.
Unfortunately, he was caught by some tribals. When they took him for sacrifice,
they found that his finger was cut and they couldn’t offer an imperfect human
to their god. After discussing amongst themselves, the tribals reluctantly
released him. Happily, the king returned home. He freed the lieutenant from the
prison and admitted his mistake. The cut finger had indeed saved the king’s
life. Not only that, since the lieutenant was in prison, he too was saved.
The lieutenant’s
words apply to the adolescents’ behaviour too! All the dangerous
characteristics typically associated with adolescents have an evolutionary
function. We always wish that they should be more organised, less aggressive,
less curious, and more obedient. We don’t want them to take risks, or to follow
their peers blindly. But the adolescents do exactly that. To be fair, they
can’t really help it! They find themselves powerless in the face of their changing
brain, which is undergoing a major update. There are extensive neurobiological
changes such as pruning, myelination, and fine tuning of circuits. The limbic
system is in an overdrive, the hormones are raging, and the sensible frontal
and prefrontal cortex are still lagging behind; leading to imbalance between
affect and cognition. Their thinking is still concrete, more so during stress
and when faced with peer pressure. Their reward centre in Nucleus Accumbens is
screaming for attention. As a result, they tend to take decisions which are
based on emotions rather than rational thoughts. They quickly fall prey to
activities that flood the reward centre with Dopamine. These activities range
from simple acts like doing well in exams or a pat on the back from the father;
to dangerous acts like crime, speed driving, violence, substance abuse and
sexual misadventures.
So, the
unwanted, unacceptable adolescent behaviour can be explained by this changing
brain. But what is the evolutionary importance? The aim of growing up is to
make responsible and socially independent individuals. The major developmental task
of adolescence is ‘identity formation’. For this, they need to explore the
opportunities, which cannot happen unless they take some risks. Their curiosity
and experimentation lead them to discoveries and inventions. By not listening
to their parents, they walk the path of independence and self-sufficiency. In
fact, it is said that the reason the humankind is living in the modern comforts
and not foraging for food in the jungles is because the children of every
generation ignored their parents’ advice. Distancing from parents also provides
them with a space to develop as an individual. Lastly, conforming with the
peers is an essential step in socialization.
Researchers have
cautioned against helicopter parenting and snow-plough parenting, where parents
unduly protect their children against all challenges. This is likely to
interfere with the natural process, and might result in our children having
poor resilience to face the adversities. Our children might be unable to take
correct decisions, may find it difficult to resist temptations like substance
abuse, and will be victims of mental health issues. Adolescents need to be
handled like a kite- give them enough
freedom to explore the world while keeping them safe and grounded by the
thread. Some of the helpful steps that we can take as their stakeholders are-
anticipatory guidance; supervised, cautious and gradual risk taking; channelising
their tremendous energy and creativity; plenty of sports and adventure
activities, and of course, tons of patience and empathy!
